I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
