I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
