So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
