My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We got so high we made milksteak
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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