im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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