he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize