Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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