Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
