I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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