their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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