Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
