Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
