eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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