there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
