Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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