you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
