I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
