just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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