Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
