I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
