Banned from zoo.
Again?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
