Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
