he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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