you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
