did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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