I smell stomach acid.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
