Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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