She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
