he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize