I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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