he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
