shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
