Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
