onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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