Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
