12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Pants are for mortals
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize