Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
