Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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