Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
