Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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