She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
