I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
