A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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