come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
