sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
