did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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