She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
