Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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