This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
