it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
