I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
