So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
