Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
