A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
