I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
