So drunk its hurt
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize