another moral hangover. fuck.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
