six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
