Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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