I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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