Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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