2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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