I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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