so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize