Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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