so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
