i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
