I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
