I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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