Define "chronic" masturbator.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
