Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
