he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
