For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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