So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
