i wish my penis had a tongue
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
