Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I party with great urgency now.
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