Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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