We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
