Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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