Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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