I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
