420 ftw
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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