We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
