Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have aggressive nipples.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
