You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
