If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize