i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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