he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
