If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
