I think im going to throw up on grandma
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
