Small penises have feelings too.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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