Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
